Ding Dong — Ditch
Help me out please, I need your advice. As a parent of a seven year old whom, in my opinion, is growing into a very nice young lady, I’m having issues with one of the friends from the neighborhood that my daughter plays with on a fairly regular basis. I won’t go into all of the details, nor all of the examples of poor friendship this girl has portrayed, but yesterday, around 4:30 p.m., I believe this friend crossed the line.
Here’s what happened. My daughter was practicing her violin, I was in the kitchen, and my husband was in the family room reading a book. The chair where he was sitting is right in the middle of our front window, where he has the vantage point of seeing the driveway and the front door. The neighbor friend, and another girl, walked up to the front door, rang the doorbell, then turned and ran! He shot up from the chair, ran outside, and the girls were already a yard away standing on the corner.
He yelled to them, “What did you want?”
The neighbor friend replied, “To see if Zoe could play.”
However, my husband is no dummy, and retorted, “Why did you ring the doorbell and then run? It’s not polite.”
I don’t know what her response was, but she didn’t come back, and my husband did not invite her back either.
This girl is pushing my buttons, and more than that, she’s reaching the limits of what I’m willing to put up with in a playmate for my daughter. Now, I’m no goody two shoes, however, I have learned from my mistakes. I realize exactly where the route I was going down in my school years took a drastic turn in a different direction. I know which girl pulled me away from my friends and before you know it, DIFFERENT PATH. I don’t want this for my kid, specifically today, I don’t want her to think that it’s ever okay to ring someone’s doorbell and then run off. Where does it go from there? Egging homes? Toilet paper in the trees? Grafitti on the driveway?
What do you think? Harmless fun, or not very good behavior for a “friend”? What would you do if your child’s usual playmate rang your doorbell and then ran?
I think kids don’t necessarily understand all the connotations behind what they do. It seems innocent to them …. really, it does–until someone takes the time to explain it to them, which is what I’d do if I caught them at it. If they persist in doing it after that, it’s another matter, then it’s really bad behavior.
But I’m also not a fan of telling my kids who I want them to be friends with, because I know that will backfire. I engineer more time with the kids I like, less with the ones I don’t, and hope that they’ll see the problems I do sooner rather than later. I can hope, right?
I know this isn’t necessarily what you wanted to hear, so I have a hug for you … cuz being on the Mom side of this is no easier. sad to say, our kids have to learn from their own mistakes, even if it would be ever so much easier if they’d just learn from ours.
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Hmm… I don’t really have an answer, either…
I would just point out, not in a mean way, but more like you are soliciting your daughter’s opinion, some of the activities this girl does, to your daughter, and let her tell you what she thinks of her behavior.
I had a few “friends” like this, and my mom was pretty effective in making us think about what our classmates and friends would do, and if that was really the way we should behave.
One of my best friends in grade school had a quite a few traits my parents did not admire (smoking, lying, etc…). Mom and Dad just made us each aware of what was acceptable in our household and where the lines were drawn. We could use them as the excuse if we needed out of a bad situation.
Don’t make this friend out to be a bad person to your daughter, just make your daughter aware of her actions and how you feel about them. I guess that is all I can offer for advice…
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I’m not sure I would worry about this influence on Zoe right now. In a couple years….yep. Morgan has a friend or two that are okay but have some behaviors that I have issues with. Instead of banning the friends I talk to Morgan about the behaviors and see how she feels about them (knowing they aren’t okay in our family). One friend she is on the verge of pushing away (she’s very manipulative) and I feel much better knowing that Morgan sees the behavior, doesn’t like it & doesn’t want to be around it. I also think it helps HER to start being more aware of who she decides to hang out with and make those choices. She talks to us and we’ve armed her with some things to say & do in certain situations. Good luck with it.
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How does your daughter feel about her? Have you talked to the girl’s parents? or to the girl herself?
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Called “Knock down Ginger” here … I don’t think it’s harmless fun - they could be ringing the doorbell of an elderly neighbour who could fall or be scared by the game. But I am sure that you can trust Zoe to realise that it’s not appropriate. Ask her what she thought of what they were doing - it’ll be a starting point for a discussion if nothing else.
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isn’t 7 when the kids reach the age of reason? i’d talk to the girl about it, she probably thinks it’s harmless fun, try explaining to her why you’re not finding it fun.
i’d be careful picking your daughters friends, she will reach the age where if she knows you don’t like someone, she might be friends with them just to spite you. i make all of my kids friends feel welcome in my home, if i don’t care for their behavior, i point out what is acceptable in my home and ask them to respect my rules, i’ve never had any major issues. i’ve gotten to know who my kids hang out with and what they do instead of wondering where they are.
fyi, my oldest daughter dated a guy for over a year that i absolutely HATED but to this day have never said anything negative about him, sometimes it pays to keep your mouth shut.